On Vacation?

For quite a while I have been in quite a difficulty to describe my status. Why? Because, on one hand, my dad is always telling me "You are on a neverlasting vacation!". And I never argue with him, because I feel he is somehow right. On the other hand, my day is always so full, regardless whether it's Monday or Saturday or summer or winter! There is no difference in my head between weekdays and weekends, no difference between school time and summer vacation. Really. Months, days, seasons, they really make no difference to me. The only thing that matters is the year we're in, because I usually plan things this way ("Next year in September I'm gonna go to the UK").

Fortunately, today, while drinking juice, the solution to the paradox came to my mind:
I do feel on a permanent vacation! And this is because I do only things that I like, and things that I planned to do on my own. Yes, it's a big deal and I know many people would wish to have that luxury. Actually, I'm not sure it's a type of luxury you get born with (or not), but rather the one you create, by refusing to do all things that you are not passionate about. Just like Sartre suggested, I feel I do have the liberty to exit, to choose not to do a thing.

We live our daily lives doing things because "we must". But if you really analyse the things you must do, and their source, you arrive to two conclusions: it was either a duty derived from something you chose to do or to achieve (ex. you must meet X today because you promised you would); or it was a duty imposed by someone whom you consider important and you project their expectations upon you - like your parents, your boss, your professors. You must pass an exam because your parents expect you to get a college degree. You must be on time at work because your boss expects you to do so. You must step outside your own shoes, think out of the box: are those expectation REALLY that important? Aren't there other ways of fulfilling them, with less effort or frustration? Once you start giving them relative importance, you find a way to not see them as a "must" anymore, but rather one of the multiple ways you could achieve an expected result.

In the past I analyzed this kinds of duties and their source. Today, every time I say (to myself or out loud) that I must do something, I know that it is so because at one point I wanted to get to this point, or I let it happen. Maybe there are short-term frustrations, but it really makes me feel that everything I do I do it because I wanted to.

What a wonderful feeling!

Exercise: try to describe one expectation that you now identify as external, imposed on you by others, but you actually deem it very important (you internalised it)!