The one

From now on I will write my blog in English. The language of my thought is not a language of this world. But now my experience in United States has ended, and my new life in Romania has begun. I somehow believe that, if it makes any sense in writing in this blog any longer, it has to be done in a new way. Maybe there are some English-people in this world who would find useful some thoughts about life in Romania, about the life of a Romanian girl. Otherwise, why wouldn't I write my thoughts in a diary, keep them under my pillow? I hope my sharing would sometime do some good. And I'm sure those Romanians who are still curious won't have problems in reading it from now on either.


I thought today about THE ONE.
I'm constantly searching for the one. All of us who found the one at one point in life know that you JUST KNOW when you found the one. It strikes you like lightning. It's no simpler than that. You JUST KNOW.
But when you're still searching... there comes the problem. Because you never know exactly how the one is like. You have some limits. You have some directions. You have a sketch, some rough portrait of what you're looking for. It's drawn by experience. By what worked before and what failed to fit. By what you learned it's good for you, by what you accepted in spite of all recommendations. The problem is not with the draft (actually, there could be a lot of problems with it, but that would be too much to discuss now..). The problem is that if the portrait has too elements, then you are capricious. You will most probably not find what you search for. You have high standards. You are a planner. Familiar expressions? Yep, that's how people call it. And when you allow no room for chance, chance will not help you. It's entirely your job to find what you're looking for. But let's say you leave some to chance. The drawing is incomplete and leaves room for the unknown, for the surprise. For fate.
Here's my issue. If you don't feel that he's the one, is it because he's not, or because he just doesn't fit the portrait you made? How important is that percent that you leave to the unknown? Can this percent overturn all other well thought, very clear, characteristics? I have no answer to this question. What if there is no lightning?
I'm a fan of lightning :). It happened to me before, and I await impatiently to struck me again. Maybe this would be easier for me. I will JUST KNOW he's the one. But what if things are not so simple? What if I don't get lucky? What if the one comes, and I don't see it, just because I cannot accept that what he is nullifies my draft?
I hope that at this point intuition and luck come into play. I say luck, but I could as well call it fate.

A very important thing to realize, when you have the belief that the one in front of you is not what you're looking for: you cannot say that he wasn't enough for you. I strongly believe this is a big mistake. He is just different. The cube didn't fit into your round shape. But it will surely fit perfectly into another shape. And yet it was all about the corners..

(to be continued)

Sunscreen

Thanks to Andrei, I listened to an amazingly invented graduation speech, and I dedicate it to everyone. Here is the transcript.


"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen."

Mary Schmich, Chicago Tribune, June 1st 1997

Language and refinement of thought

Today something weird happened to me. It was the first time in my life when I had in mind a concept, a concept in English, and I could not translate it in my mother tongue. It's a dilematic situation: I feel I fully comprehend the meaning of the word, that I understand it and I know how and when to use it, I know how to explain its meaning in Romanian (in a phrase), I know synonyms in English, but I just can't find an identical meaning in my language!

For the first ten minutes, I felt I had the translation on the tip of my tongue. The explanation was, of course, that because I haven't had used it in Romanian for a long time, but I definitely had used it in US, it was harder to remember. It was just a matter of memory.

But after the first ten minutes, I realized that the issue is deeper. I asked my parents for the translation, I searched in four dictionaries: I was unsatisfied, because the translations found weren't identical, they didn't express exactly what I thought that concept expresses.

There is a saying that crosses my mind. This could be the explanation! I heard a long time ago that English is a complicated language, because its concepts are more refined. For a foreigner, English-speaking people have three words for the same meaning, and there seems to be no difference between them. But for a native, there are fine nuances that make the difference. Since I learned German, I know it's even more true for German language.

But what if our thought is conditioned by the language we use since birth? More specifically, what if the limits of our thinking are drawn by the limits of our mother tongue? If English natives are raised and their thinking develops within the English language, doesn't that mean that their thinking is more refined and more evolved than ours? This would make a whole lot of sense, especially if you appreciate Anglo-Saxon and Germanic thinkers. Weren't they the most rigorous and precise thinkers?

But if this is true, what happened to me? How was it possible that by learning how to use a word in a foreign language, I learned some meanings difficult or even impossible to express in my own language? (Hehe, in the former sentence I initially wrote "hard" instead of "difficult". In Romanian, we use the same word for both meanings after all. Not counting neologisms. Constant refinement?..)

I have another hypothesis: maybe when we learn a word that is not in our mother tongue, we invest it with meanings that we think are fit, according to the instances where we use that word and people understand. If I say "boole" every time I want to say "bowl" and I act accordingly (I'm taking the bowl of soup in my hands), people get used to me saying "boole", and, if I don't know I'm pronouncing it wrong, I will believe that "boole" is the word for bowl and I therefore invest "boole" with a new (not very refined!) meaning, meaning that is recognized only by me. What if that refined meaning of the word I cannot translate is only in my head? What do you think?

Tribute to my friends

It is a real pride to say that once you belonged to a special group. I'm talking about that group that parents fear it will be the one who forms you as who you are and it might be of a wrong influence.

I'm proud to have known a group of people that formed me as who I am now. I feel proud that I had great friends, different and yet each of them being my model, part of my personality. I call my group Filos. You probably call yours differently. But Filos is now more of a concept, a remainder of what once used to be us. For me Filos is not a formal name, a student association, nor has anything to do with the Department of Philosophy. Those were only circumstances. Filos is for me those friends that you remember all your life, and you tell to your children about, when they ask you about how you were when you were young.

I met Filos when I was only a prospective student. Filos has been everything I do and I believe in for the past three years. Three years is nothing in a lifetime, some would say, but for me these years were so intense and insightful! Filos is not a sum of those who formed it, Filos was a state of mind and our special way to look at the world.

The first thing I learned from Filos was that its existence is possible. It showed me that, if you're lucky enough, you don't have to run all over the world to find a couple of close friends. Filos offered me my close friends from the first shot. I am so grateful for that, just as one could be for stumbling upon stacks of bars of gold.

There are many other things that you taught me. I learned to be confident, to be wise. I learned to be diplomat whenever in between and to enjoy the moment whenever being on one side. I learned from Marian how it is to be smart and render others comfortable with it. I learned from Razvan how to be strong and rational, and yet sensitive and caring. I learned from Ami how great sensibility can be in harmony with seriousness and reliability. I learned from Cristi to sometimes just enjoy the moment and to appreciate the other, no matter how different. I learned from Kostea to be charming and witty and feel that anything can be done. I learned from Ana how to fight time and problems with style and elegance. I learned from Sabina how to dance as nothing else matters. I learned from Dan that humor can get you out of difficult situations. I learned from Irina that what you search for is right in front of you and you must take it.

Yes, my friends, you were so different. As Ami was telling me the other day, you were all strong personalities. And that may have sometimes tensed the situation, but made the whole experience delightful. I can still feel these strong personalities, when I talk to each of you. But they're not in the same room anymore. And they sometimes sound tired. We are all getting more serious, we don't make witty jokes anymore. We are not full-time philosophers anymore, because life is getting most of our energy.

If you feel that there is a regret in my voice, it's just a misunderstanding. It was known all along that this beautiful thing will eventually end, like all beautiful things do. I knew it also, and I tried to cherish every single moment in your company.
Hopefully we will meet in 10-20 years-time and philosophize just a little bit, for old times' sake.


I hope my story is your story too. I am grateful for what I had and I wish it to everyone. Because if you think you never had the choice, you just have what you have, I believe you're mistaken. Each of us has a bar of gold buried within and one should dig to find one's treasure.

Thank you.